It was another hazy day in bl’ore. Quite of kind that I normally enjoy being in. Sun wasn’t totally blocked for garden city, mostly attempting to prove his authority against dark misty clouds. Flashy silver linings and unusual cluttered rainbows allover sky were prominently visible. I don’t know why, but I certainly didn’t enjoy. There was this uneasiness right from the start of the day. A feeling of suffocation much like the sun in sky I was trying to overcome the dusking thoughts within me!
Quite sometime living alone, trying every possible mean to stay apart from crowd emotionally, ends me in a situation to reluctantly accept that everything isn’t okay as pretend. I don’t know how valid it holds for others, but in these instances I get involuntarily routed to deserted chapters of past. I am very much sure this feeling had nothing to do with my friend’s accident in morning or any incident in recent past, it was just the call from past that was arising out of blue. But, ironically you can’t express it any where, just carry that usual face and accept everything that comes along the day.
Uff! Mocking or enameling the throb inside has quite become an automated compulsion. Nevertheless, now at least I can confine most of it within me, leaving everyone else clueless about the obscured effrontery beneath. Yet, I haven’t reached to a state of unconsciously mocking a rucksack, but with a little effort I can hold myself from braking down on face.
Perhaps, it’s because the craving to stay raw as born and grown, still stands in far corners of consciousness. I just can’t stop it from dismantling the newly created perceptions and virtues. And there is one materialistic of me trying to face-off these unknown emotions with physical alluring hanging around. I am sure there has to be some measure and cure for this emotional insatiability. May be it’s the matter of time before I reach there, or someone might help me stable this but that’s least likely to happen. So let’s stay determined for physical aspirations. And count on those few beautiful days that might be waiting around a few leaps ahead very much like the silver linings in sky!
Ritwik's space 